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(Lowerlife)

by Lylajean

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1.
It's worse than I thought 02:36
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I never could find the words that you were needing Tell me please, forgive me lady, and be with me I don’t know if you feel anything against me I don’t even know if I should say anything The steam trains are slow I hop on the rails to you But I missed your point of view It’s worse than I thought I can’t see the glimmering words I wish I knew how you were hurt It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought Why didn’t I just ask you when you were in trouble? All I ever said to you was brand new problems I don’t want you to believe your pain was bothersome That’s the way I came across but I sure hope not And if I could hide it in the midst of darkness Would that be the only way to heal this burden? I can’t even comprehend how to be broken The steam trains are slow I hop on the rails to you But I missed your point of view It’s worse than I thought I can’t see the glimmering words I wish I knew how you were hurt It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought It’s worse than I thought, it’s worse than I thought It’s worse than I thought, I need some good thoughts
2.
Lylajean and Joey Soares - I didn't know what love was/The old frame across the universe 03:26
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[I didn't know what love was] There’s a dumpster for his feelings I didn’t know what love was I wanted to receive it If I did deserve it I didn’t understand how others’ hearts work Is this a dumpster for his feelings Or genuine love It sure hurt to be lonely Was I the only lonely girl? I found an atom of hope And stretched it to big dreams It was quite hard to see if I existed in their minds I felt like everything was One-sided all the time I thought that he’s the one who was truly clueless But in the end, I know the answer I am the fool There’s a dumpster for his feelings And sometimes I felt like A surgeon who cannot bear These images at night I didn’t want to go I held onto falseness And the deepest gems of info My ears kept closed [The old frame across the universe] I am a painting in a frame of thousand years I have been cut out, stolen from the gallery They rolled me up and traded me round different homes My life is slowly changing and my spirit grows As I see through the telescope the universe The closed half-sphere, reflection of my own back head Chromatic aberration of my old home frame But seeing it from all this way is not the same Every time I failed was a trial Being pushed around could only make me strong Maybe this amputation was vital And made me ready to see the true dream I am a painting without frame for thousand years I have old marks and signatures from different fears I know one day my beauty will not be unknown My life is slowly changing and my spirit grows
3.
True colors 03:16
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My fretting rain now sets the corner of the world into the sun You little one, a pocketful of number ones to run along This is the end, my very beautiful friend And will I leave it with the changing of the seasons? Making friends that go immediately Suns into a spiraling Little joys admiring The geese that fly by Leaving all supply dry Anonymous see butterflies Point to several setting moons to enjoy panorama Just like my treble clef inside Standing up towards the sky Need I remind you my problems? So will I I am the motion I can’t see you against the sky Five AM is when you’ll go To be caught up in your cries You will stand by side, your side I’m over it, I wouldn’t lie I’m such a weak, tremulous girl I dive into love way too fast It should not have been this way Because of the way social plays Your sentence stutters, it’s make believe The transient way that you sang to me I lost the lover, he’ll never see The chains that describe what he means to me Sinking in the sea where the creatures can attach I want to scream a mountain and override this black My fretting rain now sets the corner of the world into the sun You little one, a pocketful of number ones to run along This is the end, my very beautiful friend And will I leave it with the changing of the seasons?
4.
The search 03:59
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5.
The layers of a clover's shadow 03:28
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The layers of a clover green shadow Represents the rarity of friends I feel I’m alien when I go out and acquaint They pull the hue-changing spirit out of me I think funny thoughts to distract from my lost friend The funny feeling sits around and waits until it’s dead I am growing older and I feel Ghostly insects on my leg How do you know time can pass so fast And leave you empty after all the facts? I’m solitary now but when there’s more People, I feel all alone There’s one more month until my birthday It’s great how my life is a joke All I see through my eyes is a severed road How could you be so deeply soap? You quit trying secretly to block me from your circle The truth is that it’s both our faults but you’re the one who broke You planned everything with my friends without me I’m just the way I am but you’re the one who hurt me most I never realized how much I always think of you Many things around my life Were built upon us two best friends I don’t know how The highest layer of the green shadow Overtaken by a deeper dark Do you have no sympathy for the parasites? Take a look, you’ll see me on the ground
6.
Angry 00:59
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7.
The ceiling is going to fall (Tinnitus) 05:57
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I’m not an earthling I am here to see what is alive I couldn’t breathe, my own mucus can still choke me It’s this horrible feeling that nobody else gets My skin is so thin The illnesses inside my brain The overwhelming laughter, mental sound My judgment is not right I make a fool of myself I cling to someone incessantly Why is it only serious On a dark application? And not everywhere else? How many copies Will I make of myself before My mind implodes and the mucus overruns me From both the nervousness and the excitement They say decay I see the breaks get taken here My influences break my ears and spill sappy I didn’t understand I have an urge to delete Something that makes other people happy Something that makes other people happy Where does this urge come from? Does doing it make me strong? I’m so used to following rules When I break them, I don’t realize I try not to wrong you but I can’t right you, either I can’t right you Crank up the volumes that Exist solely in my head They say you can’t turn that up But sometimes I’m in this state Where it’s like a mental rape Sounds attacking me The ringing of a doctor’s office And the tool that they used Planted permanently
8.
Beautiful as stars 02:58
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Their heart’s greatest heart attack came when I smelled black I told them it was okay but it’s some freakout “Don’t you know this is the way that everyone loves? There is nothing like this in the world we follow” I know it’s my first try It may seem there is no light But I know there’s something right The promises we made Someday they will be fulfilled I can’t bring myself to kill I don’t regret these scars They’re beautiful as stars I don’t regret these scars I’ll take you as you are I learned something from the way I fear all people I would never care to judge the way that kills me They may mock my kindness but this world has so little Find me in the corners listening to the small ones People say these things are too taboo to witness They’ll prescribe a doctor before you can listen Even though they say it’s not my job to fix it I see through the cover cause my love is stronger I know it’s my first try It may seem there is no light But I know there’s something right The promises we made Someday they will be fulfilled I can’t bring myself to kill I don’t regret these scars They’re beautiful as stars I don’t regret these scars I’ll take you as you are
9.
I know your name 04:05
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If my body’s just the frame for all that I see, How can other seekers recognize what I need? Everywhere I go, I feel I must wear a shroud I have to stand on stools just to see the crowd I have to try much harder than all the rest If I want my memory to be a success I ruminate over all of my mistakes To sharpen up my speech to live the next day If I don’t spend this time to be a star They’ll forget my name like all thus far Call me the wrong thing, and confuse me with the rest But I must recognize the ones who don’t Oh, the musicians who send me their songs know how it feels And it’s a moment of a true solace when I can hear (If my body’s just the frame for what I see) Oh, the musicians who send me their songs know how it feels (How can other seekers recognize what I need?) And it’s a moment of a true solace when I can hear Every day I feel like I’m starting something new Just cause the last thing didn’t get many views Think I’m alone, but then I find you’re the same Both gotta learn how to treat art like a game But it’s not easy when they don’t know your name And they still treat you like you look like a kid But I don’t know what they think cause there’s so few words I’ve just been living an invisible curse I wish I could care a whole lot less Life is not about being the best But I think I’ll try to be it anyway instead And I must recognize my fellow ones Oh, the musicians who send me their songs know how it feels And it’s a moment of a true solace when I can hear (If my body’s just the frame for what I see) Oh, the musicians who send me their songs know how it feels (How can other seekers recognize what I need?) And it’s a moment of a true solace when I can hear
10.
Bonny (Bonus Track) 03:14
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I spend the days of my vanity I'm lost in heaven and I'm lost to earth Didn't give you minutes, not even moments All my life in a tower of foil Shaded feelings, I don't believe you When you were there before my eyes No one planned it, took it for granted I count the hours since you slipped away I count the hours that I lie awake I count the minutes and the seconds too All I stole and I took from you But Bonny, don't live at home Bonny, don't live at home Words don't hold you, broken soldiers All my silence and my strained respect Missed chances and the same regrets Kiss the thief and you save the rest All my insights from retrospect But Bonny, don't live at home Bonny, don't live at home I count the hours since you slipped away I count the hours that I lie awake I count the minutes and the seconds too All I stole and I took from you But Bonny, don't live at home Bonny, don't live at home But Bonny, don't live at home Bonny, don't live at home But Bonny, don't live at home Bonny, don't live at...
11.
Lylajean and Ramiel - The search (Remix) (Bonus Track) 04:04
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about

(Lowerlife) is an album comprised of reworked outtakes and recordings from the era of my second album, Lowercase. It was recorded from 2019 to 2021.

"True colors", "The search", "Angry", the instrumental for "The ceiling is going to fall (Tinnitus)", and "Bonny" were recorded around the time I was making Lowercase (late 2019 to early 2020).

The rest of the songs are outtakes from Lowercase that have been heavily re-worked more recently throughout 2021.

credits

released August 2, 2021

Lylajean: Songwriting, Production, Guitar, Vocals, Drums (9)
Joey Soares: Vocals (2), Accordion (2), Keyboard (2)
Ramiel: Production, Mixing, Mastering, Remixing (11)
"Bonny" is originally by Prefab Sprout.
Album artwork was created with "Become a great artist in just 10 seconds".

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Lylajean Evanston, Illinois

Lyla (she/her), 22. New single 女優 / ま​だ​愛​が​な​い out now! Check out my Subscribe tab for a way to support me and get access to demo albums of exclusive content, with new ones dropping almost every month. lylajean.bandcamp.com/subscribe

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